Tuesday, March 27, 2012
I feel like I want to blame deployment on every problem my marriage has. ...we have little communication except quick phone calls because he's so busy all the time, I feel alone and honestly you have to be tough and trust each other big time. Even if a spouse does do something wrong; how would either one of you know about it? It is a scary thought. It also makes me mad that when you are loyal and lonely daily; some soldiers still think their wives are doing wrong...so you are screwed either way it seems.When something breaks in the house or I need my car fixed; it's because of deployment my husband is not here. I know this is what he signed up for and I knew what I was getting myself into but it is so hard. My friends do not understand; they cry when their boyfriends are just gone for a day or has a late shift at work. I have never been more miserable in my life than this honestly; it's so depressing being alone and this was our first year of marriage. People can change so much in a year too...so it's hard to know someone can easilly have a change of heart while they are deployed; and I feel so awful for women that happens to, because I've known couples who go through that...and deployment must be the reason to blame, right? I am just being a tad stubborn because I know true love can get through a deployment; but sometimes I just have to say..."Screw you,deployment." It is very hard and it seems like the closer it is t ending; the more anxiety I get. I have not gotten to even live with my husband yet and I had to go about getting our first place together all by myself. Sure; I sent him pictures of the place but it was so hard not being able to just hold hands and go look ourselves...oh,well...I guess that's just part of deployment and honestly I hate bitching, because at least he's safe and I know tragedies happen pretty much daily over in the countries our soldiers are at. I've learned to really appreciate our time with loved ones and to be a lot more patient...and I wish I wouldve stayed a lot more busier. I feel like lately all I do is snap and am so frustrated and angry. I hate the person I am lately and I am a very nice and giving person...but I hate how depressed this has made me and I do not blame deployment completely...but I just wonder how differently things would have been without this last year of my best friend being gone. I am actually tearing up thinking about it. It's a bittersweet feeling...accomplishment he's coming home and is safe...but then a lot of sadness on all we missed out on together; Valentines Day, our birthdays, his sons birthdays...all those little holidays we do not think are important but "normal" couples get to celebrate together. This is army wife life...our men aren't here often but at least we cheish those little times we are together a lot more. Lots of couples argue over money issues during deploymet too. Sure a soldier can save a lot of money overseas; but I think it's sad and awful when I hear another wife claim her husband says he's "using up his money." I think it's YOUR money if you are a couple; children or not. You have a girl waiting on you and as long as she's paying the bills...which are YOUR bills too then you should not complain. Appreciate the girl whose waiting on you. With my husbands money; it goes on my car payment...which is actually OUR car; and some of living expenses such as if I need gas, food,etc. I hate when I hear a wife say how her husband thinks its all HIS money. No; she waits for you, she's alone everyday...hell, she deserves a lot more probably! I would never use anyone or think its okay to use anyone,ever...but paying bills is not cheap, single or together so I get so upset hearing about selfish soldiers who are away for a year; but cry about money issues when their wife is using it for bills.
Posted by The Modern Army Wife at 1:22 PM
Friday, March 16, 2012
This weekend I will be celebrating with my best friends. I want to express how lucky I am to have the friends I do. I would think I am a pretty good judge of character; but these people are great. I see some people whose friends date their exes, never include them, and only want to "party." I love friends who are there when you are broke, when you are in the hospital, when you are sick and when you just need to vent. I have the best friends ever and everyday they amaze me at how caring and loyal they are. My friend's bday is this weekend and i'm sad it will be all couples; since my man is still deployed. That is okay though; because deep down I know he'd want me to have fun every once in awhile. I know If he were here; he would come along and when he's here I will not ever have to go places alone anymore. I love him more each day. I am ready for a nice weekend; I've been working hard since Jan. with this new job...I work as a program advisor for an online school for military spouses and I love it. I get to work from home! Once me and my husband move; I will be able to do my direct sales home party businesses too....to get out of the house and of course help my husband financially as much as possible. I want us to be able to have a lot of money saved for emergencies and to just help him. He is such a hard worker and that is another reason I love him so much. I respect his work ethic completely. He doesn't understand really why I love home businesses but I do it for us too. I always want to be the stay at home mommy who is making wonderful income but never misses her daughters dance recitals or any of her sons baseball games. I want to be the PTA mom who is always there. I know many parents work hard and unfortuantly miss out of their childrens events or activities and I know people have to work; but for me; I am going to always do home businesses only. I think having a home business is actually more difficult. It does usually require more discipline and most are in sales which is very stressful at times. I am glad I do not have to ''sell,'' I just help military spouses get started in education and I give them the basic information; if they choose to get started; the company helps them from there. I post ads and just let them know they can possibly attend our courses; with tuition free. I feel proud of myself because many people let these benefits go to waste because they do not know of them. Anyhow; we are going to celebrate my friends bday and just have some much-needed friend time. All of us have men we love dearly so do not spend as much time together as we used to. I am excited to hang out with them. I am a firm believer in keeping your friendships healthy; just as you would a marriage. Of course; a marriage is much more serious most of the time....but I believe in really appreciating good friends as well and always being there for them too! I hate being away from my husband but I know that soon we'll get to spend all the missed outings, holidays.etc. together and I can not wait!
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
In honor of the hopeful end of this deployment; I figured I'd write about awesome looks for homecoming. This is a big thing to us spouses & girlfriends who get all dolled up just for our skype dates. So; homecoming is a big deal to us; for sure. I see many ladies asking "what should I wear for homecoming?" on many military spouse support pages I am on. I know our solider's probably do not care if we showed up in sweatpants with no makeup; however to most girls; we seriously usually think a lot about them! My advice would to not overdo it; and wear something just incase you to run & jump in his arms :) If it's colder; wear something like a sweater dress, leggings and super cute boots. Dress it up with jewelry and beautiful makeup & hair. You do not want to look over done; but you can still look beautiful; this is a big day! Keep in mind his co-workers and many families will be there; with children so do not dress revealing...save that for later. By the way; sexy lingerie to suprise him under your clothes will have him super excited! I have shared some of my favorite ideas; for both warmer & colder weather.