Sunday, November 27, 2011

Tips to get through a deployment

...Don't you hate when someone says "Oh; the time will go by so fast," or "A year deployment will be over before you know it..."  And it's always from non-military spouses/gfs. I totally understand they are only trying to give you some comfort and maybe do not know the right words to say. That is totally fine; it's hard to ever understand unless you live through it. I will be honest and say I do not think the time goes by seems to go by even slower the better you and your soldier are getting along because it makes you miss each other more. It seems like everything that can go wrong will when he's take your phone to the bathroom with you; because the one time you do not, you miss his weekly phone call or his random phone call you miss so much all day. You find yourself wondering if he's missing you or getting upset when you go in pubic and see happy couples; because that could be you having a blast with your loved one. I do not think it ever gets easier; however I've learned being negative and not very productive will not bring my husband home faster so I've found things to help! Here are my tips on what I do to make things easier during a deployment.

  • I would first recommend starting your own home based business. Why? Because you can earn money and owning a business is great for self esteem, personal growth, meeting new people and staying busy. My favorite perk? You also will be your own boss; probably won't ever have to miss your soldier's phone calls,ask for time off during his R&R and so on! It is so nice not ever having to ask for time off to spend when he will get back from deployment,either! Here are some great work at home opportunities:  &     Other ideas would be having a home daycare or maybe even something like coaching a sport you once did in highschool or volunteering at the local animal shelter...anything to stay busy!
  • If you are not interested in starting a business; get a job at a military-frendly company; such as Kelly Service or Home Depot. Home Depot is awesome because they even allow you time for your soldier's R&R. How cool is that? A company that actually appreciates our lifestyle!
  • Join a gym! Usually the ymca lets deployed spouses go to the gym free if your spouse is active duty of course; the only catch to the ymca in my area was that you need to attend the gym at least 8 times a month. The bases also are great places to work out and usually always for free if you are a spouse. You could also join women's only gyms. If you hate working out; try doing fitness classes like yoga! More than likely your soldier will be working out a lot overseas since they do not have much else to do...and wouldn't it be nice to both have smoking hot bodies after deployment? :) 
  • Be active in your soldier's FRG. If you are a spouse, and sometimes girlfriends are allowed; see if your FRG has a facebook page or newsletter.Stay up to date and attend the meetings. You may not like the group but at least you would be doing your best to still support your soldier. Who knows?You may even meet another woman who can be a deployment buddy for you! Make sure you are mature with the FRG; never get caught up in gossip or drama. Remember you are there for more resources and to support your soldier and to get additional support. I hear many ladies have bad experiences with FRG, but it is probably due to lots of drama. Do not expect the FRG to be your sole support system; those ladies are 99% of the time other deployed spouses anyhow so often they do not have much time to offer tons of support but they usually will organize monthly newsletters, meetings, etc.   I notice some spouses are way too dependent on the FRG; don't be one of those ladies. 
  • Find what you are good at! Any hobbies? Any crafts? You do have a life besides your soldier and use that to your advantage during this lonely and difficult time. Perhaps you always loved to sew or maybe you love to read! Keep a list handy of things you love to do and read over them when you feel lonely or bored
  • Don't forget your girlfriends! Now; I'm not saying to go out nightly and drink your pain away, but a night out with my girlfriends are always an instant way to make me happy. At least once a month or even once every 2 weeks have a girls night. Whether its dinner and a movie; or cocktails at your favorite bar. I do not think it's bad to go to bars without your spouse; he is gone and should want you to have a life. If you do not have trust at a bar; he should not trust you to wait for him...just my opinion. Anyhow, adult interaction with your girlfriends is perfectly fine but I always say be respectful to your soldier and have a two drink maximum. Do not be the sloppy drunk married chick. If you want to drink more; stay home and just invite your girls over for a wine night or maybe you all can cook together and drink together. Do not go out and get drunk without your husband there; I think it would make any person feel quite uncomfortable...just my opinion! 
  • Toys. Toys. Toys. Need I say more? Tell her D'Avia sent you! Click here
  • Pre-Deployment Checklist---Use it. My Pre-Deployment Checklist Trust me; things will go wrong during the deployment....maybe your car won't start one morning or the dishwasher just mysteriously stops working...calm down. Things happen. Make sure you do check all you can before deployment however; such as things like the smoke detector, getting your oil changed on your car...prevent as much damage as you can and really let your family, friends,etc. help if they offer it. Of course do not use them or over due it but if they want to watch the children for a few hours so you can have alone time or go workout; let them. Too many ladies say they get zero support; but yet they have too much pride to know when people are being kind. 

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