Army Wife Vents

   I feel like I want to blame deployment on every problem my marriage has. ...we have little communication except quick phone calls because he's so busy all the time, I feel alone and honestly you have to be tough and trust each other big time. Even if a spouse does do something wrong; how would either one of you know about it? It is a scary thought. It also makes me mad that when you are loyal and lonely daily; some soldiers still think their wives are doing wrong...so you are screwed either way it seems.When something breaks in the house or I need my car fixed; it's because of deployment my husband is not here. I know this is what he signed up for and I knew what I was getting myself into but it is so hard. My friends do not understand; they cry when their boyfriends are just gone for a day or has a late shift at work. I have never been more miserable in my life than this honestly; it's so depressing being alone and this was our first year of marriage. People can change so much in a year too...so it's hard to know someone can easilly have a change of heart while they are deployed; and I feel so awful for women that happens to, because I've known couples who go through that...and deployment must be the reason to blame, right? I am just being a tad stubborn because I know true love can get through a deployment; but sometimes I just have to say..."Screw you,deployment." It is very hard and it seems like the closer it is t ending; the more anxiety I get. I have not gotten to even live with my husband yet and I had to go about getting our first place together all by myself. Sure; I sent him pictures of the place but it was so hard not being able to just hold hands and go look ourselves...oh,well...I guess that's just part of deployment and honestly I hate bitching, because at least he's safe and I know tragedies happen pretty much daily over in the countries our soldiers are at. I've learned to really appreciate our time with loved ones and to be a lot more patient...and I wish I wouldve stayed a lot more busier. I feel like lately all I do is snap and am so frustrated and angry. I hate the person I am lately and I am a very nice and giving person...but I hate how depressed this has made me and I do not blame deployment completely...but I just wonder how differently things would have been without this last year of my best friend being gone. I am actually tearing up thinking about it. It's a bittersweet feeling...accomplishment he's coming home and is safe...but then a lot of sadness on all we missed out on together; Valentines Day, our birthdays, his sons birthdays...all those little holidays we do not think are important but "normal" couples get to celebrate together. This is army wife life...our men aren't here often but at least we cheish those little times we are together a lot more. Lots of couples argue over money issues during deploymet too. Sure a soldier can save a lot of money overseas; but I think it's sad and awful when I hear another wife claim her husband says he's "using  up his money."  I think it's YOUR money if you are a couple; children or not. You have a girl waiting on you and as long as she's paying the bills...which are YOUR bills too then you should not complain. Appreciate the girl whose waiting on you. With my husbands money; it goes on my car payment...which is actually OUR car; and some of living expenses such as if I need gas, food,etc.    I hate when I hear a wife say how her husband thinks its all HIS money. No; she waits for you, she's alone everyday...hell, she deserves a lot more probably! I would never use anyone or think its okay to use anyone,ever...but paying bills is not cheap, single or together so I get so upset hearing about selfish soldiers who are away for a year; but cry about money issues when their wife is using it for bills.