Sunday, September 11, 2011

A blog this day while he is away...

Today I really miss my husband; a lot. I miss seeing him or little things like just going to lunch together. I miss all the annoying things he does like when he pays more attention to the tv show he's watching then when I'm talking to him at the same time :) ; or when I want it quiet and he like music on all the time. I miss a lot of things about him that he probably does not even notice about himself. I hate him being away but I guess life is not fair and at least he's doing something amazing and something very important. I know I am not alone either; I've met other fantastic ladies who are dealing with the same things or who have mastered the same things. I really think this deployment has taught me patience I never knew I had. I can't believe i've seen him about a week this entire year and it's almost my birthday about 4 weeks and I won't have him. He didn't have anyone on his birthday being overseas either;so I know it is a lot harder for him being there in a desert without family but I think maybe it will make us appreciate the time we do finally have together; once we are back together. It is weird hearing some girls complain about their boyfriends being gone for a weekend or week for business or such...I feel like saying wow, try them being gone for a year. But I know they just do not understand. And I understand everyone's life and circumstances are different for sure. Plus; I knew what I was getting myself into and I do not mind one bit. Deployment will not last for ever and I'm keeping my faith and one day we will be together again. Sometimes I wonder if things will be better when he's back; like he was never gone or if it will be a fresh new start that I would not mind either. As long as I am with him; it does not matter to me one bit. Sometimes I feel really selfish ever mentioning to him my problems or what is going on my life that's not perfect because I know he has a lot more stress and much bigger things to worry about. I've been 100% guilty of doing that this deployment, but I am young and new to this so I have realized that is not okay. When I talk to him for now on, it will only be about positive. I want to be the one phone call he can look forward to. My problems shouldn't matter when I should be his support system during this difficult time. I think attitude makes a huge difference. I have heard horror stories of deployment tearing lives and families apart and I don't wan to be that scenario at all. I know every relationship has its ups and downs but I want to be the best wife I can be and I know I still have a lot more to learn and a lot more to accomplish for myself so we can build a healthy, happy life together. I'm going to look on the bright side; because it could always be worse and I will feel so proud of him and myself when we get to finally see each other on the home coming day. I know everyday I'm filled with many different emotions from is he okay or if he's thinking about me...or what will we do when he is back or how will things be when he is back...but worrying is a sin in my eyes and I think whatever is meant to be; will be. I know many other ladies have had the same worries and I am not alone. I am going to be a better support system for him and be as indepedant as I can so he can trust that I will be fine while he's doing something honorable far away. I don't want to stress anyone out; especially him and I think things like that can really save relationships during deployments. This is our very first deployment and we have never even had a honey moon yet or a real bonding experience or relationship with all of this going on but it gives me something to look forward to every morning I wake up because it's a new day and a new day means one day closer to seeing him in person and I've had a lot of fun when I'd make him packages or get all dressed up just for a skype video chat with him. These are not the memories I planned but they are still our memories and I think it's an ultimate sacrifice to wait on someone and hope they still want you when they're back after a life-changing experience or waiting on them and hoping they'd do the same for you. A lot of people say love just is not enough but I think it truly is. I have never loved someone so much and I can't wait to be with him again.

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